Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

TV's prominent comedians devoted their evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his program, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which allows foreign individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for $5 million. An official website pledges processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message here to rich foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best background check the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Concerns

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during economic worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.