🔗 Share this article

The current year marks a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the idea that someone could instantly end communication with a lover without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Gen Z, a generation who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever imagine. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a extensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To echo one of the recent most popular memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your choice to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {